Dear Mum and Dad,
I am at the point in my life where everyone is asking me whom I am seeing. Whom am I going out with? Whom am I going to bring home to you folks? Who has laid claim on me? Very many cliché questions for a woman my age trying to ask if I am dating anyone. I am always tempted to say stuff like: I am seeing everybody, every time I am out living life. Dad thanks for the sarcasm and wit I bet I inherited that from you.
I am reminded that I am not married every time I attend a wedding, at work, in the bus, in traffic, walking, basically even when I breathe it’s there waiting. Take for example I was in a bus the other day when a friend asked me, “Kendi, what do you work so hard for? You do not even have children.” I am not confrontational but I came out with guns blazing trying to show her I am more than my marital status. After a moment of arguing I realized it doesn’t matter and then I stopped talking, thanks for the patience gene mum. I wanted so bad to explain to her how I am not defined by the fruit of my womb because I have no control over that.
A few days later one of your old friends’ called. She asked many questions and before she hang up she asked when I would get married. I had a hard time explaining because I always try not to be rude. So I told her it will happen when it does. I’ve seen various memes with quotes like, “If you watched this movie you should be married”. “If you read this comic, you should already have your first born.” It’s not lost on me that society has various views and cannot shake them off. I want to say society can shove it but in real sense the society cannot shove it. The society’s view and impact on my world and those around me has its pros and cons. The society’s frowning against cocaine may have saved a poor soul somewhere, because they were afraid of what people would say. But the societies expectations on me doesn’t consider the hurdles I have jumped over to get here.
From now on dear mum and dad whoever asks me to introduce a man to them I will grab anyone close to me and say, “Hi meet John, he is the man in my life at this exact moment.” You will be told about the snarky comments I will be making but don’t you worry it’s just because I am tired of how much people judge me.
I am allowed to be anonymous in my dating life until I am sure this is the man I will be spending the rest of my life with. During your era, you only introduced your partner to you parents when you were really sure you can stand how he snores at night or shapeless her eyebrows look in the morning.
When I was home last I remember how at the salon a girl I grew up with said, “Kendi I think you will completely change the family you will marry into. Your writing is so sincere.” The tone of voice she used made my salon lady question her idea of marriage. When your salon lady defends you, you know it was about to go down the river.
Dad, remember that time I was dropped by a neighbor and you asked me if I did not have fare? It was your way of telling me I cannot be bought. He was my friend though and nothing was going on. Mum thanks for never asking me how much I am going to achieve before I am married. Thanks both of you for never sending anyone to ask me when I am bringing you grandchildren. Thanks for never judging my choices. Thanks for never making it awkward for me to visit whenever I wish. Most of all thanks for never asking me when I will get married. I will get married when it’s the right time, I don’t know when that is I just know I am living my life one day at a time.
Oh yeah Aunt Nancy got your message home dad, I am in not going to gamble with my heart. Thank you for letting me know the only couple that doesn’t have to talk about things is the one atop a wedding cake. Thank you for being more realistic than anyone I have met in my whole life. Thank you for letting me know book romance is just that between pieces of paper. There are more hurdles to jump out in the world.
When I am sure he is the one I will be sure to let you know. If not I am glad you have let me know my life is still complete.